I am on the wrong side,
wrong side of the road,
wrong side of town,
in the wrong,
the unfamiliar.
I have been told
the darkness of suffocated
light, matters,
but it does not.
Injected left brain,
metaphors of wrong,
metaphors of violent colors.
Color can kill, and it does.
It dampens to whispers,
walks crookedly on unpaved paths,
clings to the materials deemed valuable.
It suffocates the social.
Color does not war one another,
they joust themselves,
piercing components with untruths,
warping them from careless trots
to stammering, stuttering, stupidity.
I too, have been found guilty,
on the wrong side of trot.
Dark rewinds the hood over
his head, the weight of his
side-to-side waltz.
He is only the bold.
Like a cowboy of too many
stand-offs.
Standing off, not on the
sidewalk,
off, heels sinking in ground,
clutching as we’re known to do.
After all, I am blonde
and tightly encased in my
slinky sheath.
I thought, who doesn’t know
the story of OJ?
But then, who doesn’t know of Charles Manson?
Color can kill, and it does.
Another York inspired draft.
Another York inspired draft.
The first stanza in this piece is definitely striking, especially with all the repetition. I would suggest slightly reworking it to even out the sound of it for the reader. Something like, "I am on the wrong side,
ReplyDeleteof the road,
of town,
I am in the wrong,
in the unfamiliar."
This gets everything repeated two times and it reads a little more easily (in my opinion).
You talk a lot about color in this piece, more than you talk about yin and yang. I would either change the title or work to incorporate it a little more throughout the piece. I know that you mention two men who are opposite, but I would still like to see more of the yin/yang aspect. I was originally drawn to this draft because of the title, so if that's what you choose to change, then I think you should explore that concept in another draft. It doesn't have to be about murder or people or anything in particular. Just objects that seem totally different but in the end are the same.