Cookie Master
Wonton, not the soup,
fills the bills.
Beware of the odors
from unfamiliar sources.
A closed mouth gathers
no feet, faux wisdom,
I write, vague prophecies
from an uncomplicated
mind that thinks in six-word sentences.
I am no poet.
But it doesn’t matter;
who isn’t without flaw?
This used to come naturally.
The inspiration is gone.
The greatest gift
is love, or sex.
Flattery will go far
tonight, in bed.
Love is to forgive shortcomings.
Might my back-handed
numbers work harder,
Jackpot, maybe not.
You have found beauty
in ordinary things,
do not lose this ability now.
This is the work I produced from the calisthentic exercise last week. It could be much better, I know. Any suggestions on where I could go with it?
Hi poetry friend! :) I think this piece is crazzzzzy, so I would like to try my hands at commenting and giving some suggestions for a (possible, if you desire) future draft.
ReplyDeleteFor one, I'm not so sure how I feel about all the italics. Now don't get me wrong, I can be an italics Nazi, but along with that I recognize when it's being used in excess.
Nonetheless, since you noted that this piece is a compilation of last week's calisthenic exercise, I think you have some pretty rockstar ideas "rockin'" throughout. :)
So, since you have such an awesome working title, why not try and approach this draft from the perspective of the Cookie Monster? There is an exercise that provides examples of how to go about doing this sort of thing in our book... I'm sure you have heard Dr. Davidson reference or mention the exercise in class.
So then, I think starting that way might be pretty cool... and you wouldn't necessarily have to cut out any of the material you already have, just mold it in a way that will fit or work in regards to the Cookie Monster. I wanna see this draft!!!
Well hello there, poetry friend. (:
ReplyDeleteNom, nom, nom. I really like this idea. I will see what I can do to incorporate it.
Oh, the italics are in place instead of quotation marks, they looked tacky. These were actual fortune cookie surprises. Ha!
I do think you're right though, the draft would benefit more from fewer distractions. Perhaps I will practice being a fortune cookie writer for a day or two.(: