Response to Sydney's "Free Write Week 11"
First, I must say, although out of context, that I despise having to sneeze just after applying mascara. Second, I despise Charter. I just wrote this long response to this, then was kicked off of wireless. Anyway, what I had said in that response was basically that I had printed this draft out and worked on the response during my most boring class and then got on here to see that Pauline had already mentioned just about everything I was going to address. But here are the things that I also spotted. I don't think that "pubes" is necessary because it has already been illustrated in the previous lines, right? "Around" could probably be omitted since "circling" is in place. Perhaps changing "leopard" to "leopard" would solve the problem? My favorite lines,"pointer fingers as wiper blades" and "lost in a wrinkle of regret" but I wonder if "your" instead of "just" would function better. I'm excited to see the next draft. Sorry for the choppy response, running out of time now. (:
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