Forswearing the Sixth Seal
Blood Moon cradling those blue-black eyes.
Your silhouette smirks upon the brackish marsh,
mocking me.
Or perhaps you scowl,
your bottom, half cut,
leashed to Poseidon’s throat.
I crook my head and
you look like an ass, too
scared to reveal your proper face,
arched back, ready to eat the Earth.
Foolish Selene,
you are merely a satellite,
a red frisbee that has not
yet been captured.
Revolve back to the vast arms of Jesus.
There is still light.
First of all, this is a very interesting draft; enjoyable and at odds with the "familiar". One of the more fastinating aspects of the piece is the manipulation of language, the ways in which you have chosen to show-in each stanza-a particular scene/image. In addition, the way you have implemented both mythology and religion provides the reader with a general idea (or overall understanding) of the discursive framework itself. However, I would suggest (if you intend to work with this draft in the future) that you excavate the soil a little more deeply. By this, I mean that there seems to be a tad too much ambiguity and/or lack of information to fully grasp what exactly is happening or taking place in the draft. With more elaborate details and specificity, the reader will have more rooom to flirt with the images and ideas being shown. Needless to say, I tihnk the draft has a lot of room to grow, expand, and produce ripe fruit. Nice job :)
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