Peer Response 1 Week 5

 Response to Tim's Improv 2 Week 5

“Pretty fly for a white guy.”

I enjoyed: “…shun my atmosphere, scoff as they preen / into locker mouths that hinge with a screech.”  However, “the girls there” seems awkward?  The other concern resides in the first two lines, if the speaker is washing “auburn sheen” out of her hair then why the reference to “bleach”?  I believe the later holds more value in the draft, so perhaps replacing the “auburn” with a shade of blonde would clear this up.  There are many options for the natural tone names but the names that the merchandiser gives the tones could add more texture to the draft.  For example, I would prefer swirled honey or toasted almond over ash or golden blonde.  If this response seems discombobulated, check the time. “All I got.”   (:

Improv 2 Week 5

Our Fear

Our fear

does not wear a night shirt

does not have owl’s eyes

does not lift a casket lid

does not extinguish a candle

does not have a dead man’s face either

our fear

is a scrap of paper

found in a pocket

‘warn Wójcik

the place on Dluga Street is hot’

our fear

does not rise on the wings of the tempest

does not sit on a church tower

it is down-to-earth

it has the shape

of a bundle made in haste

with warm clothing

provisions

and arms

our fear

does not have the face of a dead man

the dead are gentle to us

we carry them on our shoulders

sleep under the same blanket

close their eyes

adjust their lips

pick a dry spot

and bury them

not too deep

not too shallow

By Zbigniew Herbert

Translated By Czeslaw Milosz and Peter Dale Scott

Our Sadness

Our sadness

does not whisper in dark corners

does not leave lonely footsteps

does not mask itself in clouds

does not have the eyes of a child

does not expel the glorious

our sadness

is a biography

a steel screeched ending

still tugging on the bone skirts

our sadness

does not stand on reason’s edge

does not fold into drawers

it hangs itself up

let the clock

hide its trite mug

behind  

folded arms

our sadness

does not expel the glorious

the glorious appears near

dusk when the river’s bruise

darkens until it reaches

the mouth-hole

the dust carries

each chipped

syllable up

to hang in the rafters

not too close

not too far

        By Brandy Adams

Sign Inventory 1 Week 5

NAVY HOUSING

On Jones Street every house is painted white,
each door is white, and every yard adheres
to certain rules: the grass at crew cut height,
an apple blossom tree bent toward the sun,
a single bush trimmed squat and round and so
symmetrically it seems manmade. No one
can deviate from others in the row.
How easily I lose myself out here.
Even the dog can barely sniff his way
back from the park. Was it a left we took?
A right? Perhaps it’s safer just to stay
indoors than go off course again. Oh, look—
another flag, another garden gnome,
another sign proclaiming Home, Sweet Home.

-Uses the sonnet form.

-Employs rhyme (abacdcdbefefgg).

-Listing of “certain rules,” found in lines 3-6.

-Lines 1-6 one sentence.

- “HOME, SWEET HOME” is interchangeable, in a sense, can be taken literally or ironically.

-Curious moment occurs in line 6 with, “[n]o one can deviate from others in the row.” Dual meaning or connection to above statement?

 -Repetition on “another” three times in lines 13 and 14.