Peer Response 2 Week 1

In response to MacKenzie's "Improv 1 Week 1" 

I enjoyed reading your work!  I especially liked the line, “Financial accounting has the kind of letters a hoarder would keep, all running up on each other unsexy and angry.” I do agree with most of LaRue’s suggestions.  I think if you could add something in there that would really set it apart from Davis's you could be good to go.  The only other suggestions that I have is that you might consider changing the format to makes your piece your own.  I also found myself getting caught up on the line, “It is actually a contraction for sitting in class drawing superhero comics in the margins of your homework, but that's only if you're reading it in its elvish form” because it seems so different from the rest of the piece.  Hope this helps.

Brandy